As of last Saturday — November 13th — it has been two years since my mom passed away. On that day, my sisters and I visited her grave site and we did what we had to do in order to make it through the day.
I felt numb that day and I’m feeling that same numbness right now as I try to write about it. It’s a defensive numbness, a shield I put up whenever I think my true emotions are on the verge of attacking and overwhelming me. For me, raising the shield is as automatic a reaction as breathing. Sometimes I resent it but my body continues to put up that shield because my body knows what needs to be done in order to survive.
I was recently talking to a friend of mine who lost his father around the same time that mom passed. I asked him if the grief and the pain even actually went away. He told me that they don’t but eventually, you learn how to deal with them.
I guess that’s what I’m doing now.